There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i now understand why vodka
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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