I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
