Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
