Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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