doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
