A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
