I wish my penis had an off switch
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Send help, water and tortillas.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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