i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
