Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
