Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
