The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
