Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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