Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
