i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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