yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
