Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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