My underwear smells like fireworks.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
