The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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