You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
