Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
