do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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