You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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