Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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