hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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