you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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