I think my fart just growled at me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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