o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
