Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
