i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
