just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
