I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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