is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
