he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
