i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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