Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
