i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
