dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
