Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
