Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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