I wish I only lived at night.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i drank out of a bidet.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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