Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
