the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
