My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
