Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
