i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
