there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
