Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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