i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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