No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
