Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
