Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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