my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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