i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
