Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
