I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
