Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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