In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
